my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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