Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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