I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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