Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
