Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
