Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
