I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
