Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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