you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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