you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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