it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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