I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
