dude i'm inner monologue high
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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