I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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