one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
