Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
