I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
