i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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