At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
