we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
