I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
