my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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