Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
