The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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