im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
