areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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