I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
