just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
