The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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