I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
