it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
