I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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