Swine flu is the new snow day.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
