I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
