Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
