Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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