All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
