the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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