the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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