before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
