Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
