apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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