the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
