I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
