porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
