Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
