she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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