ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
