her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
