I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
