We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
