mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
