Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
