Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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