i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
