So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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