whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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