If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
