I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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