Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
