and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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