I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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