Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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